Reasons I hate summer:
- it’s hot so I sweat a lot
- it’s hot and I want to wear short but MY THIGHS OMG
- it’s hot and people expect you to go outside
- it’s hot and I get a sunburn
- it’s hot
Next time you’re on a road trip, stop into a roadside diner (find a classic
one with a long bar, cuz those are neato) during breakfast hours and flag
down a waitress to ask, “Excuse me, where am I?” And when they tell you the
town’s name, say, “No, what planet?” When you get a weird look, turn to
whoever you’re with and say something like, “Shit, keep your mouth shut.
They’re pre-warp…”
*touches own butt*
is this what sex feels like
if a guy buys you a bunch of drinks and then expects you to have sex with him you can just give him back the drinks by puking into his lap